The Super Dorky Best Friends – Episode II

If you missed Episode I of “The Super Dorky Best Friends” where Bill Gates ended hurricanes forever, go here.

June 18th, 2010: Somewhere in the outskirts of Seattle, approximately 1 mile under sea level. Six men wearing sweaters on top of flannel shirts sit around a dimly lit hardwoord table. Other than the table light, the room is completely dark. A white-haired man dressed in all black enters the room on a hover-craft recliner.

Bill Gates: Steven! So glad you could make it!

Mr. Vistano: (aside to Bill Gates) Uh, sir, that’s James Cameron… you know, director of Avatar and Titanic.

Bill Gates: Oh, they told me they were sending the best film director of this generation here, I just assumed… never mind. James! James Cameron! Welcome to my secret lair. Can I offer you a some prune juice or a Shirley Temple?

James Cameron: No, I’m good… Aren’t you going to say something about my chair?

Bill Gates: How about some granola bars?

James Cameron: No thanks… don’t you see my chair is fucking floating?

Bill Gates: (Covers ears and closes eyes) Bad words are for naughty boys, bad words are for naughty boys, bad words are for naughty boys…

Dr. Mathews: (aside) He does this every time someone curses, just give him a minute.

Bill Gates: … bad words are for naughty boys! (gathers himself) Sorry. Yes, your chair… It’s nice.

James Cameron: Nice? This is the first ever hover-craft director’s chair for Cameron’s sake! It took me 8 years to develop. This is going to revolutionize filmmaking as we know it… no longer will I have to get up and bend over to kiss Sam Worthington’s ah — I mean butt.

Bill Gates: Hate to burst your bubble there Jimmy, but I’ve been using hover-craft chairs since 1998. How do you think I get from my mansion to my bigger mansion? A golf cart? Sheesh! (voice cracks like a schoolboy)

Dr. Lewis: Wait, Sam who?

James Cameron: Sam Worthington! Star of Avatar! The greatest actor of this generation! (Gets frustrated) Ugh, whatever, I came here to talk about the oil spill.

Bill Gates: You want to sit in my newest chair? You know what it does? Every time I sit on it, a million more dollars are deposited into my bank account. Neat, huh? Oh and it can fly at Mach 3 speed, has a built-in Starbucks latte machine and it shoot lasers at people with iPho…

Dr. Borikowski: (interrupting) Sir, if you don’t mind, perhaps we can get down to the business at hand?

Bill Gates: Of course. Jake, please take a seat.

James Cameron: It’s James… Thank you.

Cameron hovers to the table.

Dr. Stevens: Miste. Cameron… As you know, Bill Gates is at the forefront of solving every world crisis. That is why we brought you here today. We heard you are interested in using your experience with deep-water diving that you gained shooting Titanic — by the way I saw that 9 times in the theaters, Leo is so dreamy! — um, you want to use that team of people to try to help with the oil spill.

James Cameron: That’s exactly right. My 20-plus years of deep water experience has made me the pre-eminent expert in deep-sea diving… I mean, I know all of the best people involved with deep-sea diving. So when I saw how badly these BP idiots were handling this situation, I knew I had to do something about it.

Dr. Mathews: If I may sir, um, play Devil’s advocate for a second. Forgive me for being skeptical, but how exactly does being a film director make you qualified to plug the hole?

James Cameron: Have you not seen my films? For Titanic, I hand-crafted a new generation of remotely operated vessels that explored the ship at depths far below where the spill is, not to mention the fact that we went back 20,000 feet underwater to film the ship’s ruins for my 3-D documentary in 2003, not to mention the fact that my film The Abyss was set underwater around a frickin’ oil rig, not to mention the fact that I made an eleven-feet tall blue chick with dreadlocks and no genitals seem sexy, so I can pretty much do anything with my computer.

Dr. Lewis: You just mentioned all of those things that you said “not to mention” before.

Mr. Vistano: You can do anything with your computer huh, he must be a PC… and Windows 7 was his idea.

Bill Gates: Cork it, Mister V. Windows 7 was my idea you idiot. Johnny, all that is indeed very impressive. I went snorkeling once but I forgot to wear my nose plug so I started coughing and then I peed in my bathing suit.

Mr. Vistano: Talk about a leak!

Bill Gates: Good one! Virtual high five!

James Cameron: Um… right. About the leak, I just met with the who’s who of underwater exploration two days ago, and I believe we can do a much better job than the federal agencies and those BP MORONS at ending this catastrophe.

Dr. Stevens: Mister Cameron, I’m interested in hearing your ideas on…

James Cameron: (interrupting) This crisis is all about the greed of these oil companies, ravaging our natural resources for an extra buck so all the greedy Americans can continue living their lives of excess while destroying this beautiful planet. I know everyone in the fuh — frickin’ world saw Avatar. Did people learn nothing? We need to curb our excesses so we don’t destroy the Earth!

Dr. Lewis: So you’re going to help curb excess with your private fleet of submarines in Russia?

James Cameron: That’s right! And by making everyone watch Avatar.

Bill Gates: Sounds like a good plan to me!

Dr. Borikowski: So if I could, let me just understand something. You made a film about a giant indestructible ship that had an underwater leak. And they couldn’t stop the leak, so hundreds of people died. Soooo…

Bill Gates: Oh stop Doctor B. Such a negative Nancy he is (in horrible Yoda voice). Jack, I just want you to know that we here at Microsoft will fully support your efforts, and you can use as many of our PC’s as you’d like in your journey to solve this crisis.

James Cameron: Ummm, I’m a Mac.

Bill Gates: Haha you’re funny José. Anyway, I think that’s enough for today. I think we have a meeting with Kevin Costner now right Mister V?

Mr. Vistano: That’s right sir. Apparently he has some technology that can help the solve the oil spill.

James Cameron: Prick trying to steal my spotlight with his retarted oil and water separating technique, it’s not salad dressing you fucking asshole!

Bill Gates: Bad words are for naughty boys, bad words are for naughty boys, bad words are for naughty boys…

Dr. Mathews: Yeah, you should probably leave.

20,550 Responses to The Super Dorky Best Friends – Episode II

  1. Awesome issues here. I am very satisfied to peer your article.
    Thanks so much and I’m taking a look forward to touch you.
    Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?


  2. Dass keine 0900 Nummer angerufen werden muss, ist das Tüpfelchen auf dem i.


  3. We are a group of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community.
    Your site offered us with valuable information to work on. You have done
    an impressive task and our entire neighborhood might be thankful to you.


  4. Incredibly interesting post. Your current website style is
    awesome as well!


  5. I like what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and reporting!

    Keep up the very good works guys I’ve included you guys to my personal blogroll.


  6. m88 on at

    Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a data! existing here at this website, thanks admin of this website.


  7. Ostlausitz ` der Giebelseite des Hauses befestigtes Kästchen zum Käsereifen´, auch Kasehitsche f.


  8. I’m amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across
    a blog that’s both equally educative and entertaining,
    and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head.

    The problem is something not enough people are speaking intelligently about.
    I’m very happy I came across this in my search for something
    relating to this.


  9. from source on at

    Please keep on posting such quality stories as this is a rare thing to
    find nowadays. I’m always looking online for posts
    that could help me. Awaiting another good web site.
    All the best!


  10. Anonymous on at

    Com tal força a andamento quanto a corrida ileso costumes abundante atraentes, com tal intensidade pelos benefícios aquela saúde, como
    a favor de humilde alegria da realização.


  11. Hey there! Useful post! Please keep all of us posted!


  12. Greetings from Los angeles! I’m bored at work so I decided to browse your site on my iphone during
    lunch break. I love the knowledge you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.
    I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my cell
    phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways,
    wonderful blog!


  13. from here on at

    Good write-up, I’m a frequent visitor of your blog.

    I enjoy reading your posts.


  14. I’ll immediately clutch your rss as I can’t in finding your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly let me recognize in order that I could subscribe.



  15. smilgauoga on at

    Hello everybody, here every one is sharing such familiarity, therefore
    it’s fastidious to read this webpage, and I used to pay a
    visit this website everyday.


  16. You have noted very attention-grabbing points.
    Thank you for sharing.


  17. pariban on at

    I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the page layout of your blog?
    Its very well written; I love what youve
    got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
    Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2 pictures.
    Maybe you could space it out better?


  18. find here on at

    This is a fantastic website, could you be interested in doing an interview
    concerning just how you created it? If that’s the case e-mail me!


  19. Many thanks for this amazing post, I am glad I found this web site on google.


  20. Rickie on at

    When visiting blogs, i usually discover a very good content just like yours.
    Good job on this write-up! I enjoy how you
    presented your facts and how you made it interesting and clear to understand.


  21. I understand your idea, and I absolutely appreciate your
    post. For what its worth I will tell all my friends regarding it, very resourceful.


  22. I just put the link of your blog on my Facebook Wall.
    good blog without a doubt.


  23. I came across your website last week and started to follow your site content consistently.
    I haven’t commented on any kind of blog site yet but I
    was considering to start soon. It’s actually exciting
    to really contribute to an article even when it’s only a blog.
    I truly loved going through several your articles. Excellent articles no doubt.
    I’ll keep visiting your blog frequently. I learned lots from you.


  24. Leonor on at

    I think you did an awesome job explaining
    it in your article. Sure beats having to research
    it on my own. Thanks.


  25. Helpful article. I’ll be sticking around to uncover a lot more from you guys.
    Many thanks!


  26. This is an excellent web site, could you be interested in doing
    an interview regarding just how you designed it? If that’s
    the case e-mail me!


  27. I visited a lot of website yet I this one this one holds a lot of
    useful things.


  28. Singular conjunto de três cabeças de extirpação para as máquinas
    rotativas custa, em média, 46 euros.


  29. Ilse on at

    I am truly grateful to the holder of this site who has shared this
    great piece of writing at at this time.


  30. Immerhin hatte sich das heimliche Ringen unter der bilder fotzen Decke bald zwanzig Minuten hingezogen.


  31. premewritez on at

    Thank you for another informative blog. The place
    else could I am getting that kind of information written in such a perfect
    manner? I’ve a mission that I am just now operating on, and
    I’ve been on the glance out for such info.


  32. searched it on at

    This is very worthwhile, You’re an extremely skilled blogger.
    I have joined your feed and look forward to
    reading more of your excellent post. Additionally, I have shared your site in my social networks!


  33. My partner and I stumbled over here from a different
    page and thought I may as well check things out. I
    like what I see so now i’m following you.

    Look forward to looking into your web page again.


  34. read review on at

    30 minutes left until you are free to hang out with your hot and young looking Daddy occasionally watching you look so cute in your outfit. The whole time you feel a little self-conscious and start to feel insecure. Is this guy someone to whom you can submit? Part of you is aching with submissive desires to be controlled and stripped of your adulthood, while the other hesitant and nervous about what is to come.


  35. I just wanted to develop a brief remark to appreciate you for all of the fantastic techniques you are sharing at this website. My time consuming internet search has at the end of the day been rewarded with sensible information to go over with my great friends. I ‘d declare that we site visitors actually are quite lucky to be in a perfect network with many outstanding people with good points. I feel truly grateful to have seen the web pages and look forward to many more entertaining times reading here. Thanks again for all the details.


  36. m88 on at

    Great article! We are linking to this particularly great
    post on our website. Keep up the good writing.


  37. Howdy! This is my very first visit to your blog! We’re a team of
    volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same market.
    Your blog provided us helpful information to work on. You’ve done
    an extraordinary job!


  38. home on at

    I think this is one of the most vital info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general things, The website style is ideal, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers


  39. Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is truly informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!


  40. Good ¡V I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, website theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task..


  41. I have been checking out some of your articles and it’s pretty clever stuff. I will surely bookmark your blog.


  42. from source on at

    Definitely wonderful articles are found on this site, thank you for your contribution.


  43. Highly energetic post, I enjoyed that a lot. Will there be a part 2?


  44. Thanks so much for another post. I’m pleased to be able to get that kind
    of information.


  45. This article was extremely useful, particularly since I
    was trying to find thoughts on this subject last Thursday.

    Keep posting.


  46. You’ve got very worthwhile points! p.s. nice site.


  47. whoah this weblog is great i like studying your posts. Keep up the great work! You recognize, lots of people are looking round for this information, you can aid them greatly.


  48. I am especially impressed with your writing skills and too with the describe by your blog. Is this a salaried theme before did you moderate it yourself? Anyway be positive the excellent characteristic inscription, it’s unusual to comprehend a enormous blog like this one these days


  49. lucyOa on at

    Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative. Im gonna watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. A lot of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!


  50. Jordan on at

    Spot on with this write-up, I seriously believe this site needs a great
    deal more attention. I’ll probably be returning
    to read more, thanks for the information!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.